Thursday, June 28, 2018

Listening closely to my fickle mind

"You're so fickle."

This is quite common phrase from some of my dear friends. I didn't mind it then because it's true. I change minds too often. One day I'm committed to something, the next I'm already cooking up something else. Sometimes I thought that I should have just worked in an idea factory. I could have earned well, while doing what I'm good at. But that's not the point today, or not exactly.

I have shared months before that my plans really are just, you know, planned for the fun of it. I really don't have the strength to execute them. They were already happening in my head so why do them again? I know, confusing, right? But what I mean is, if I had already set them in my mind, the excitement is invested in there already. That excitement belongs in that daydreaming, so I will never anymore feel that excitement once I execute the plan. Yes. 

So, instead of foolishly planning to use up all my fabrics first, before going back to focusing on OOAK dolls then to diorama making then oil painting, I decided to simply bounce between these things. I used to religiously plan to set aside a period of time for each endeavor, maybe because I cared too much about the quality or results of my efforts. Yup, ego.

I won't even commit to anything here because you will just say, nah, Shasha will say she's gonna do this, but then she will lose interest in a second and move on to something else anyways.. True, that could be true.. So yeah. 

The past few days were spent making school pants for my junior high boy (two! - need to add one more maybe next week, who knows, right? 😜) , and cleaning my workarea. Since the hot afternoon sun is now behind this house to my left, I'm back to good old window view, which is Yay super awesome. So yeah.. 

My thoughts are always this fragmented, and this is as authentic as it can get. I have now given up the idea of wanting to document everything in one post hoping to help someone, who honestly really can't digest everything in one go anyways. 

So point of the day - do whatever feels right because it's so much closer to the real you. Today, I felt like accomplishing some orders so I can ship them off later after muay thai session, and I can go back what excites me at that moment. 

Til next time, doll-ings ❤️❤️❤️


  1. I know exactly what you mean! I jump from various interests and hobbies all the time, and always have been that way. A few years ago I was really into blogging, then doll collecting and photography, then books, and who knows what next. But you're right; in the end, it's always best to do what feels right to and what you're interested in.

    1. It's hard when we listen to social conventions. Like, people judging you to be NOT focused, not serious, doing something unimportant. I used to be so carefree but in college, I gave it up and joined in the bandwagon of social conventions, societal rites, all empty endeavors. I'm happy I've come home to this consciousness and more than happy to know there are people like you who also recognize themselves amidst the wrong, wrong crowd and their systemic, totally detached from truth kind of lives. I may sound bitter, but I am truly, truly happy for myself. I won't preach about this either because it won't do good. Everyone has the right to traverse this wonderful path back to self ❤️


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